Weee~~~

So busy... Not. I'm so slacking. LOLOL. Finished watching shana s2! Finished styling both of date wig. Totally didn't do any school work!! >~<

Lololol=_=


Gonna wake earlier tml to choing AHHHHH!! If possible. LOLOL.

Hope won't like today. Overslept>\\\\< hahaha.

So... I'll go sleep now. Since. What's the chances you will call me... Right?

I'm so not gonna call... Your taking it for granted... Or maybe your jus not interested huh..........

Irritating ahhhhhhh!!!

Haix. Will you ever. Initiate again?
From a everyday must to a 1-2 week dun also nvm... Haixz

I guess the fire has cooled...

Colours

It shine even brighter in the dark.

Again...

This is turning to be like where i dumb all my depressing thoughts. no wonder I keep restating it. Haix.

Oh well. Here goes....




I'm like the only one looking forward to it. Aren't I?
How many time has it been. That I'm disappointed like this?
You made me hope. Den jus left me hanging.
And it's like it's nothing to you.
Did you not remember... Or was it not worth remembering?
Are you having fun. Or is this the way you do things?
Either way... It's not helping.

I'm already trying "considerably" hard...
Ok. Maybe just half heartedly but still trying to think other wise.
And this isn't helping. Not at all...

So. Tell me. What should I do now?

Ever since that time, I stepped back and looked from another perceptive...
There is this distance that nothing can be done to...
Now. That distance just keep increasing...




So. How long more. Will it last?

hungry...

gahhh. so busy!! still so busyyyy~~

portfoilo
essay
re-edit essay
coat
dress
re-edit portfolio
more editing portfolio
coat
dress
more dress
more essay
more coat
more essay
more portfolio
more essay
more dress
even more dress
more portfolio

plus new: 200 sketches... DIES!

finally...
dress - 30%
coat - %90
portfolio - 90%
essay - 20%
sketches - 0%

wonder what i have been doing!!
doing so much but still so far from done!! WHAT IS THIS!





is so hungry too!!
stupid liar...

Haixz..

One problem after another. It sucks...
But one following another is worst.

How did you even manage to do it?

Here. One yet to be solved. There. Another similar problem pops up...





Im disappointed in you... Idk. Like seriously, what to do anymore.

It's like... Wow. Another reason why we won't last... Haixz...




I couldn't fight for you then... I couldn't fight for you now... again...
Its not I dun want to. But. I really can't. I dunno what to say. There isn't really anything good to say.. That would make the different...

How?!

Gahhhh. So tired!!!!

Haixz~~~ Finally have time to blog. Have been so busy rushing school work!!

Damn looking forward to April. Mid April when EVERYTHING ENDS!!
HOLIDAY!!
And den... EVERY OTHER THINGS START!! Lololol~~

Essay essay dress coat thing that cpj research trend report sketches portfolio mock up lining pleats drafting reading images etc... TOTALLY KILLING MY!!

Hahas. Thou its not finished ya. I finally get to relax. A bit... Nn den time to choing again!! Since my submission changed from thu. 2 days later to Monday!! 5 days from now. Thou I'm hopping I can do finish by thu still. XD

DEN CAN SLACK LIKE CRAZY FOR A FEW DAYS!! Hahas.


Yawnnnn~~ LOLOL. Ok. Sleep!!

Confusion and the after storm...?

Wasted time watching the devil inside. Totally shit. The blood they used was even more fake den the one we made for cosfest. The scary part... Was jus 3 jerk from the guy next to me. LOLOLOL!! And! The ending was wtf!!


Thou my mood was better after that!! Nn i got chocolate!! Den I was brought to eat ramen!! <3 totally awesome~~~~


But. Once again. Selfish little me made use of someone to cheer myself up again. Lol. Where's my guilty conscious sia!!!!! Haixz>~<



But. When I'm negative. Nothing is right. And once I'm all better. Problems get solved. Haixz~~



Well. I gotta be glad there are ppl out there trying to make me happier...? With or without second meaning. It's none of my concern. LOLOLOLxD



Anyway!!

Jus had awesome supper!! My awesome little Jarrod came to feed me when I complaint hungry!! XD 4ps nugget. And a double cheese burger!! *fatening!! But. I lost weight the last few days. So it's find.* whahahaaaaa~~~



Nn now. Bed time!!

History repeated.

Yup. Again. Again... It happened again... By the same sequel still...

It's like I'm reading the story book another time.

Whenever I run. Nothing holds me back. It's not nothing could. But nothing will...

Nobody gives a damn. Still...

I feel like I will ever only get this same result... After all. How many time has this happened on a reply already?

And once again. It's time to wonder when is my prince gonna appear and pull me out of this storybook fairytale.





Becos I'm still stuck. Bluffed by a fake... So real... But it all turn out to be a nightmare. Again.....









You said you didn't abandon me. But it's all jus words. Becos you still let go...

jus noting.

cosfest july: 7-8

1/2 prince.
Sayonara no tsubasa.


other plans:

utapuri ren
GC mushroom
KHR bykuran
DN.angel kard
Aphorism Izuru

let the heart stop beating...

i feel like i have switches for things. like when i decided to be in denial, im rather good at switching off everything thing else... and now. i managed to switch you off. hahas~

ya. you.

either that or i think im tired. its not im giving up again!! its more like..
what can i hold on to?

to the past?

or onto the half-pass promises you made to me? which i dun think you will fulfill...

i mean, i have always had a mindset that nothing will last forever. which is why i dun believe in forever. things have to change so ppl can move. or we did be stuck at the same place, forever...

but you didnt seem to do anything about it?
im sure its not like you dont know i think this way... right?


maybe this is also the reason why im insecure i guess...
but you didnt do anything about it either way too...
all you do it get angry... go emo... no?

when im insecure, when i wan you to pull me close...
what have you done?
when i move away in hope you would love me enough to pull me back...
what did you do?
when i walk away in hope you did come run after me...
what was your reaction?
you jus sat there, get angry, not happy...
'how could you do that me?!?!' was what you were thinking right?

so if i left, what are the chances you will come get me back? 0%.
you would be there. thinking it would be better that way...
i happy can liao mah...


hahas...

i give up easily? whats the point of holding on... it never last...

it never did... it never had...

that is all i know... it never will...

but im sure you think that to me, you are easy to let go?

well, even if i cant, i will... its not like i didnt do it before...

if i can jus forget, if i jus distract myself away from it. im sure... i can still move forward...

humans dun die so easily...

i didnt die 3 years ago... i wont die now...

now all that is left is... i wonder... how long will this switch remain off...

and what your gonna say tml... that is if you are even gonna appear...

becos i already cant bring myself to get excited and look forward to seeing you...

i mean. how confirm am i that you will appear... that well... its about 50%?

yes. 50%. cos my in denial self cant bear to give you a i dun think he will even come...

but i doubt you will even know.

after all... you didnt even know what irritated me ytd. 

you didnt even realise how disappointed i was when you told me see how...

yet you decided to go sleep... i guess you really bth-ed.

i really dunno what i can still say to you...

i feel like... i cant bring myself to trust you anymore...

if i hoped. i feel like ill jus have it crash. in my face again~

after all, how long do you think anyone can last keep getting their hope killed...

for me. i died. a lot of times, under you hand already.

but the in denial me jus had to pull myself back up, and still hope for more...

i guess this time, revival might take a more that usual... or it might even be impossible if nothing changes...

its like homework, slowly as you stack them, when they fall, it did crash you to death...

Bad day.

I woke up late. Rushed nn kept banging into things nvm. Rush to bus stop. Bus didn't stop. When to buy drinks. That damn china bitch tell me ice lemon tea is not a fruit tea. So I can't get the promotion of 2 for $3... End up spenting $2.30 on one bottle of ice lemon tea when I'm already so broke. Took the bus nn my school. Keep getting stepped. Den account not enough to draw out $50 nn the ATM cannot draw $20. Gahhhhh!!

i dun feel the love... like, im never enough...

I was hoping for a shitless start. But I guess it's still to much to ask...

So here goes... Again!!






You say you love me... but it doesnt mean you need me... it doesnt mean you want me. it doesnt mean you miss me...
cos if it does... den why is it so hard to get you to come find me...

'den why cant you be the one to come find me!?' is what your thinking right?
but...

i was the one who ask us to get together. i was the one who kept calling you.
if i end up going down to find you too, i feel like i will end up killing myself.
it feels like the me now, would no longer exist. it feels that whats left would jus be a shell.






i dont think im that hard to satisfy, so why does it seem so hard to you?
i know im stubborn, im childish, im easily insecure etc...

but like the scaft that never existed...
you said you will make one for my birthday. you gave me hope.
but i ended up with a dirty 2nd hand eeyore, that second as something you gave me when we had a fight.
but i didnt even complaint. im still happy to receive it.

so why are we at this stage?




when i desperately try to hold on. you kept saying its not enough.
when i started to lose hope. you get angry and leave me hanging.

i told you i miss you. you say you too...
but when i asked you out for dinner. you say see how. den complaint its too late @ 10pm.

you said you actually wanted to have a chat with me.
but when i ask you for dinner again the next day. you say if you can stay awake.
you say im not migrating. so some other day is also fine.
den later, nearing the appointed timing, i ask you again if we are meeting, hoping you did already be on you way, but you choose sleep over me, that you were waiting for food, before going to sleep.
when i got pissed and replied you a bye, you said im irresponsible.
when i told you im irritated, you say you are gonna go sleep.

you keep giving me hope. den crashing it all...
you keep telling me see how, cos you dun wanna give me hope den disappoint me.
but you said the see how you tell me is different. you say its usually a ok. thou jus usually.
i hoped. and hoped. but nothing comes out of it.

how long do you think i can last like this?






i feel so weak recently becos of you. the tears flow so easily from the eyes i once todd was rather good at keeping them in.
my happy go lucky-ness is slowly breaking down.
i keep getting easily pissed of and irritated, i think im killing everything around me.

it feels like you pulled me out of that dark hole, jus to throw be back into it.





so, do you really love me, miss me, like you say you do?
because i cant see it, i cant even feel it...

you say cos we cant give in to each other, we cant be tgt, cos you dun wan me to be sad about the same issue.
you say its your way of expressing your love, and jus becos i cant accept it the way it is, you cant love me?
so now tell me. why cant your love for me make you give in to me, so that i dun need to leave? so that we dun need to part?

'so why cant you give in to me instead?'
if this is what you are thinking, think about the reason i gave you, if you can even remember it.
than tell me why i cant.

Once again...

Yes. Once again I'm restarted it. Too much rants and emo shit. Getting on my nerves!!

CIRCLING around nn round isn't good for health! But too much shit recorded I think will kill me too. Hahas.

Hope this new refresh stay shitless. Neh. Impossible!! LOLOL~