let the heart stop beating...

i feel like i have switches for things. like when i decided to be in denial, im rather good at switching off everything thing else... and now. i managed to switch you off. hahas~

ya. you.

either that or i think im tired. its not im giving up again!! its more like..
what can i hold on to?

to the past?

or onto the half-pass promises you made to me? which i dun think you will fulfill...

i mean, i have always had a mindset that nothing will last forever. which is why i dun believe in forever. things have to change so ppl can move. or we did be stuck at the same place, forever...

but you didnt seem to do anything about it?
im sure its not like you dont know i think this way... right?


maybe this is also the reason why im insecure i guess...
but you didnt do anything about it either way too...
all you do it get angry... go emo... no?

when im insecure, when i wan you to pull me close...
what have you done?
when i move away in hope you would love me enough to pull me back...
what did you do?
when i walk away in hope you did come run after me...
what was your reaction?
you jus sat there, get angry, not happy...
'how could you do that me?!?!' was what you were thinking right?

so if i left, what are the chances you will come get me back? 0%.
you would be there. thinking it would be better that way...
i happy can liao mah...


hahas...

i give up easily? whats the point of holding on... it never last...

it never did... it never had...

that is all i know... it never will...

but im sure you think that to me, you are easy to let go?

well, even if i cant, i will... its not like i didnt do it before...

if i can jus forget, if i jus distract myself away from it. im sure... i can still move forward...

humans dun die so easily...

i didnt die 3 years ago... i wont die now...

now all that is left is... i wonder... how long will this switch remain off...

and what your gonna say tml... that is if you are even gonna appear...

becos i already cant bring myself to get excited and look forward to seeing you...

i mean. how confirm am i that you will appear... that well... its about 50%?

yes. 50%. cos my in denial self cant bear to give you a i dun think he will even come...

but i doubt you will even know.

after all... you didnt even know what irritated me ytd. 

you didnt even realise how disappointed i was when you told me see how...

yet you decided to go sleep... i guess you really bth-ed.

i really dunno what i can still say to you...

i feel like... i cant bring myself to trust you anymore...

if i hoped. i feel like ill jus have it crash. in my face again~

after all, how long do you think anyone can last keep getting their hope killed...

for me. i died. a lot of times, under you hand already.

but the in denial me jus had to pull myself back up, and still hope for more...

i guess this time, revival might take a more that usual... or it might even be impossible if nothing changes...

its like homework, slowly as you stack them, when they fall, it did crash you to death...