I was hoping for a shitless start. But I guess it's still to much to ask...
So here goes... Again!!
You say you love me... but it doesnt mean you need me... it doesnt mean you want me. it doesnt mean you miss me...
cos if it does... den why is it so hard to get you to come find me...
'den why cant you be the one to come find me!?' is what your thinking right?
but...
i was the one who ask us to get together. i was the one who kept calling you.
if i end up going down to find you too, i feel like i will end up killing myself.
it feels like the me now, would no longer exist. it feels that whats left would jus be a shell.
i dont think im that hard to satisfy, so why does it seem so hard to you?
i know im stubborn, im childish, im easily insecure etc...
but like the scaft that never existed...
you said you will make one for my birthday. you gave me hope.
but i ended up with a dirty 2nd hand eeyore, that second as something you gave me when we had a fight.
but i didnt even complaint. im still happy to receive it.
so why are we at this stage?
when i desperately try to hold on. you kept saying its not enough.
when i started to lose hope. you get angry and leave me hanging.
i told you i miss you. you say you too...
but when i asked you out for dinner. you say see how. den complaint its too late @ 10pm.
you said you actually wanted to have a chat with me.
but when i ask you for dinner again the next day. you say if you can stay awake.
you say im not migrating. so some other day is also fine.
den later, nearing the appointed timing, i ask you again if we are meeting, hoping you did already be on you way, but you choose sleep over me, that you were waiting for food, before going to sleep.
when i got pissed and replied you a bye, you said im irresponsible.
when i told you im irritated, you say you are gonna go sleep.
you keep giving me hope. den crashing it all...
you keep telling me see how, cos you dun wanna give me hope den disappoint me.
but you said the see how you tell me is different. you say its usually a ok. thou jus usually.
i hoped. and hoped. but nothing comes out of it.
how long do you think i can last like this?
i feel so weak recently becos of you. the tears flow so easily from the eyes i once todd was rather good at keeping them in.
my happy go lucky-ness is slowly breaking down.
i keep getting easily pissed of and irritated, i think im killing everything around me.
it feels like you pulled me out of that dark hole, jus to throw be back into it.
so, do you really love me, miss me, like you say you do?
because i cant see it, i cant even feel it...
you say cos we cant give in to each other, we cant be tgt, cos you dun wan me to be sad about the same issue.
you say its your way of expressing your love, and jus becos i cant accept it the way it is, you cant love me?
so now tell me. why cant your love for me make you give in to me, so that i dun need to leave? so that we dun need to part?
'so why cant you give in to me instead?'
if this is what you are thinking, think about the reason i gave you, if you can even remember it.
than tell me why i cant.
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